Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The air was thick with penises
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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