Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
