Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
