this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
