I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
