Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
