Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
