And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
