im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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