Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
