she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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