I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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