I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
