apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
