Cold hands, warm shart.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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