I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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