I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
