Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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