Plan B is the new Plan A
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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