Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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