tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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