I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
