My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
