Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
