Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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