I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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