I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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