I cannot find my penis.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my poor anus
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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