He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
