My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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