This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
