So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
