You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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