i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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