just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
