I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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