dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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