I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
