Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
