i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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