At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
