Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
