1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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