dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh god it's open bar.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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