In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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