You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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