I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
