it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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