so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
