dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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