thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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